Faithfulness

So here we are, all four of us squeezed into a tiny apartment in the carriage house of YWAM's base in the poorest neighborhood in Harrisburg. We have two bedrooms connected by a tiny bathroom. We have a mini fridge and microwave and my Keurig machine which has come with us from North Carolina, to my parents' in Ohio, and finally made it here with us. We eat most of our meals with the rest of the YWAM students at the church where we have our training, but in the mornings we take the kids down to the main house and use the kitchen to make some eggs or oatmeal before we head to the church for classes. We have a small closet for both mine and Andy's clothes. The girls' room has a bunk bead and a dresser and a little extra space for Elyse's pack and play. I have their extra dresses hanging on a suspension rod in the space between our rooms. We have plastic tubs scattered around the apartment to double as storage and end tables. The rest of the free space is taken up by books, boxes of cereal, guitars, and kids' toys.  The rest of our belongings are in storage at either one of our family's homes or in the attic in our house in North Carolina, which is currently being rented out. We have moved here, although we have no idea what comes next, and no idea where we will be living after this DTS ends in March. We are living completely on fundraising, when money was already tight. We are in a complete season of transition. We are traveling constantly and learning to be ready for change by the day. (In the twelve weeks of lecture phase alone, we are traveling in the Northeast for several of those weeks, and then international outreach to Nepal comes in December for the next two months). We are the only family in our DTS class of 18 twenty-something year olds. 

God has filled us with so much peace about this season that it can only be explained by His call. A few months ago I was completely fearful of making this sort of change. I knew we needed change, but I was fighting it being back into missions. But now, inexplicably, I am fully embracing it and trying to soak in every moment. The Lord is so faithful. I'm a home body, yet I don't even care that we are totally cramped and not at home. I just know we are supposed to be here.

We have a family blog where we are documenting our journey. But I've been feeling that I need to continue this space so I can share my experience as a mom on this journey. Seeing as home and my marriage and my kids are some of the most important things to me in life, changing it all has been a huge challenge. But I just want to tell everyone, especially every mother,  how extremely faithful God has been. 

When Andy and I were considering reentering missions by joining YWAM, although I wanted it, I was also filled with a lot of fear. He finally led me to a place of saying Yes, and right after that, He spoke to us very clearly that YWAM Harrisburg was our next step, and much sooner than we had expected. In fact, from the time we said yes it was to be about 2 months until we moved here. It was too fast to think through it too much. We just had to flow with it. 

I was fearful about how the girls would be affected most of all. My heart broke every time Norah said she was sad to leave her house and her friends. My heart broke watching her say goodbye to her friends. As we packed up our house, my heart felt heavy as I relived all the memories of the past two years there with my girls. Spiritually and emotionally, our time in North Carolina was very difficult for us. But my home carried very sweet memories of our family. Elyse was born there. Norah and I spent hours reading, doing crafts, cooking, going on nature walks in our neighborhood, playing with our sweet neighbor friends or cousins. I had spent hours cooking in that kitchen, Andy and I had spent hours talking or just hanging out together. So my mother heart felt anxious in the goodbyes. 

Coming here, it hurt my heart to see the difficulties for my babies that came with transition. I had obviously experienced that in a more pronounced way when we moved to South Africa with Norah as an eight month old. But now we had two children, and Norah was old enough to be having her own emotional journey with moving. I was ten before I ever had to move, and it was emotional enough then. So it hurt me to think of her dealing with those emotions at her age. And to know that we don't know if this is our last move; in fact it could be the beginning of many moves to come. We are committing to missions. So we truly have no idea where in the world our God is leading us. I had to come to terms with this as a mother.

The cost is SO different when I'm not just weighing it for myself, but for my babies. Will they turn out ok, or will they hurt over all the changes they are experiencing, and over all they are sacrificing? I have asked myself this many times.

The hardest part for me is that during the seven or so weeks of classes that we are here in Harrisburg, I have to be in class and away from the girls. For me as a stay at home mom, that is the most heart breaking. It's only the third day that we had lectures in the class setting, and though my heart is so full with all we've learned, it also is sad for the three hours each morning that I didn't get to hold Elyse and read with Norah. It hurts me to the core.

But God is so faithful! Mothers - God loves our babies so much! Mothers, He is worthy of our babies! Can I tell you how faithful He's been to us? We arrived here and were told that we were packing up the next week to go camping. In the past this camping trip has been very rustic. I was under the impression we'd be in cabins in the woods without electricity and running water. I was a bit anxious about the kids. But we drove out into the mountains and found ourselves at this gorgeous campground. We were staying in a beautiful, spacious lodge with electricity, plumbing, and a beautiful kitchen. And outside in the yard, was a log playhouse with a baby swing just Elyse's size on its porch, and a play kitchen and a loft inside. There were swings sets in the yard. Even the leaders hadn't known how perfect it would be. My girls absolutely loved it there. And every day and every night, as our group gathered to worship, my children were there experiencing it. Each day we all grow more confident and free in worship. Now if Elyse toddles into the room where people are worshiping she immediately lifts her hands and starts twirling. Now I hear Norah making up worship songs and I see her go off in a corner to write letters to God. While we were at camp, Norah asked God to come live in her heart! My girls have dozens of godly young people who are always playing with them and spending time with them. All the people here are so affirming of the girls. They seek them out to spend time with them, they pray for them, and they constantly speak life over them and over the stories God has for their lives. 

And God provided the sweetest lady to take care of my kids while I am in class. Though it breaks my heart being away from them at all, this lady is so wonderful. She is a YWAMer, and a mother of three. She is so soft-hearted and the girls love her. And she comes to the church and watches the girls along with her younger children there, so the girls are right upstairs while we are in class. 

I could go on and on about God's provision here. When we arrived here, one of the YWAM staff left a card for me (they did this for each student, and even for our girls) with words of encouragement for me. They wrote that as they prayed for me, they sensed that this season was going to be one of God showing me His faithfulness. And that this was going to be a time for my children to grow in their knowledge of Him. Well it's week two and already I am experiencing these things so greatly. I feel strongly that this time is just as much or more about my children as it is about me and Andy. 

Whenever I get the chance, I'm going to try to share here what I am experiencing as a mom on this journey. My hope is to be transparent and share the struggles of a mom in this ministry/training/missions setting, but through that to share the accompanying testimonies of God's faithfulness - not only to me, but also to my babies.

Elyse Claire

On May 2, 2012 our little Elyse Claire was born. She has brought so much happiness to our little family. I can't help but smile when I think of the past year with our Lysie. 

She's chubby, chubby. She's still breastfeeding and I love that it makes her roly poly. She's full of energy, and she always lets everyone know just how she feels. She's happy most of the time, despite a rough patch with nursing and thrush and reflux in the first few months. Now she is typically content most of the time. She smiles when I put her to bed with her Pooh Bear and her dolly. She hugs them tight and giggles when I give them to her. She is so cuddly. She will often crawl up to me or Andy and lay her head on our laps, getting some snuggles before she continues exploring with her big sister. She babbles all the time but one of her only intelligible words is, "Hi!" She loves to greet EVERYONE she sees. And everyone just loves her and of course comments on her fat. 

I just adore her. I adore her chub. I adore her mostly-bald head. She doesn't keep headbands on long but I don't mind. I was bald as a baby and my mom always says how she missed my head when I got hair. I know I'll miss Elyse's. When she was younger and I'd lay in bed with her, I would just snuggle her soft, warm, fuzzy head under my chin and relish the feeling. Now when she cuddles up to me and lays her head on my shoulder, I stroke her head and the tiny tuft of dark hair on the back of her neck, and while I imagine what she'll look like as a big girl one day with long hair, for now I love her head that keeps her looking like my little baby. 

How in love I am with my sweet, loving, happy, lively baby girl. How blessed I am to have her and Norah Grace to play and laugh with every day. So thankful to God for these sweet little girls who I can call my own.

A Woman is a Mother

I really, really, really love being a mommy. Like really, really, really love it! I remember being about 8 years old and playing in the beautiful playhouse our dad made me and my sister, and pretending I was a mommy. I remember carrying my baby doll, Clara (who is now lovingly cared for by my 2 year old) everywhere I went, the whole year I was 9. I remember one day I accidentally lost her somewhere. I was devastated. I even walked outside in the yard calling her name, believing somehow she could hear me, and that she was probably wondering where I was. 

When I was older I started volunteering with kids. I knew, from age 13, that kids had to be a huge part of my life. I studied child psychology in college, went on missions trips and volunteered in orphanages and local ministries for at-risk kids. I wanted to be an advocate for kids, and spend my life on them.

I always knew I wanted to be a mom, and probably a homeschooling one like my own mom. I knew I wanted to adopt. But somehow I felt it would probably be more spiritual for me to work with kids who didn't have good homes, instead of having my own children and just being with them. I always had an idealistic dream of working in an orphanage overseas, loving on children all day long and sacrificing my life for  them.

Two years after Andy and I were married, we got pregnant. No joke - my first thought? "I don't have time to read books on pregnancy and having a baby!" (Yeah, I'm kind of a nerd.) I was working several part time jobs - substitute teaching, tutoring, and working with a foster care agency. Andy and I were planning on moving to South Africa to be missionaries with a youth agency. Wasn't this not the right time to have our own baby?

I'm so glad God was in charge of that and not me! My heart quickly got over the "no-time-to-prepare" OCD thing, and Andy and I were thrilled that we were going to have a little girl. We knew it was God's timing, and we delayed our departure date for South Africa by 8 months (we had originally been planning to move to SA the month Norah was due!) 

We fell head over heels in love with Norah. I quit my other jobs as soon as she was born, and fully embraced becoming a stay at home mom. As excited as I was about South Africa, I hated that the preparations for moving there were distracting me from focusing fully on Norah. There was so much I wanted to learn now, so much I wanted to do. And I found that being home with Norah made me excited about other aspects of my home too. I wanted to get better at cooking, housekeeping, teaching, sewing. I felt like I was fresh to all these other areas to grow in. Life was colorful, bright, simple, and so beautiful. 

We made the move when Norah was 8 months. It was heart-breaking knowing that family wasn't going to get to see our baby very much, but we stuck to our guns and went. It was an incredible year. Of course, we planned it to be much longer, but that is another story I have been over before. 

However, I quickly found that I couldn't be all I wanted to be for Norah and for the ministry. Even though children's ministry - especially in overseas missions - had been my dream for so long. Somehow, my heart just wasn't in it like it would have been if I didn't have my own child. I felt too conflicted every time my little baby had to sacrifice a nap, or every time I had to take her away overnight or ministry obligations distracted me from the things I felt were important to be focusing on in her development. I knew the exposure she was having to family ministry was invaluable, but it was just that my heart had changed.

Thankfully my husband is very sympathetic to my desires, and he likes me to be at home with our children. I'm so glad for that! As much as possible, I was full-time mom and he did full-time ministry, though we often had children and others in our home and I was able to serve so much that way. I loved caring for Atle in our home as well, and truly, that was the perfect "ministry" situation. Having a child as part of our family and home life, and getting to invest in her along with our family in personal, daily interactions.

Now, back in the States, I miss South Africa and the missions lifestyle so much that my heart breaks every time I think of it (which is every day). I think about Atle all the time, and still feel so much sorrow that things with her didn't work out the way I wish they had.

Atle mothering Norah

I'm helping out with our new church's Dream Center this year, once a week helping a group of 2nd-5th graders who are struggling with homework. I love that I can still be doing things with kids, and be a part of our church's ministry in our community. But you know what? My heart is still the happiest when I'm home with Norah the rest of the day. I love our days. I love planning her little "homeschool" activities. I love thinking of what our life will be like next spring when our second little girl, Elyse, arrives. I love researching homeschooling methods, figuring out the best approach to potty training, praying and talking to Andy about things we need to work on with Norah's behavior, teaching Norah Bible verses, songs, and the alphabet. I love cuddling on the couch with her and reading. I love listening to her "read" to me. I love taking her to story time at the library. I love it when she tells me, "I yove you ever, ever, ever." I love drawing while she colors as we listen to classical music. I love baking with her, as messy as it gets. I love every part of our day. I'm at the Dream Center for 3 hours a week, one day a week, and 2 of those hours Norah is at home sleeping, while Andy is home with her. Yet I miss her SO much and hate being away from her even for those hours. 

And yet - and here is the point of this whole, rambly post - I still feel this pressure to BE something more than a mom. I still feel that pressure to DO something else. To have something else to tell people that I am. The whole world has become alive to me since I became a mom - never have I ever found any other role in which I can so fully thrive and reach the full potential God has given me - and yet I feel it is insufficient. And if I'm being honest with myself, I wonder if it is sufficient to raise my daughter to "just" be a mother, as well. 

I read this post today on another blog (Chocolate on my Cranium) that just made me sigh, and smile, and say, "ah, there it is." This post quotes from an author, who, although I don't agree with on religious doctrines, I can truly say I fully agree with on her stance (as quoted here) on motherhood.

"Motherhood is more than bearing children, though it is certainly that. It is the essence of who we are as women. It defines our very identity, our divine stature and nature, and the unique traits our Father gave us." ~ Sheri L. Dew,Are We Not All Mothers?, Ensign Nov. 2001

I remember the morning I was to be induced to deliver Norah. I knew I was having my baby that day. I was scared, overwhelmed, yet so excited. I turned to the passage that I loved but was also very mysterious and puzzling to me. I had often tried to give it some superspiritual, symbolic meaning, but that day, its meaning was incredibly literal and practical to me:

"But women will be saved through childbearing - if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety." - 1 Timothy 2:15

I have thought of this verse many times over the past 2 years. Thinking of the ways I have grown and been sanctified and humbled through this little child. And oh how glad I am that this is the life God has given me, and in fact created me for even when I was a child. To be a mother.

Yesterday at the Dream Center, a couple younger kids complained to me that three older girls were being mean to them. I approached those girls, and said firmly, "You are girls, and whether you like that or not, this means that you are mommies. You have a responsibility to take care of the younger children." I wasn't sure exactly where that came from, but doesn't it break anybody's heart to see a girl or a woman mistreating a child? In contrast, one of the most beautiful things to see is a girl, even Norah's age, cradling a doll or taking care of a younger baby. This is a woman's design. Sheri Dew points out that Eve was called "the mother of all living" before she ever bore a child. Cocoa, the author of this beautiful blog (and a mother of 9) says, "Mother is my identity. It is every woman's identity. It is our gift from a loving Heavenly Father."

mother at 18 months

I've never read the book Parenting Is Your Highest Calling: And 8 Other Myths That Trap Us in Worry and Guilt. I'm sure it is a wonderful book with a title that causes people to pick up the book and learn some really freeing things about depending on God instead of our own parenting methods. I can understand what the point is. But all the title does for me is make me wonder if I should feel guilty for feeling so strongly about being a mom. When I agree with Cocoa that "mother is my identity," I would never put that before my identity as a believer in Christ. But WHY do they have to be separate? Why do we have to feel guilty for loving that which God has designed us in Christ to do? Do you ever think, if you love something so much, that must say something about God's plan for you? So why do we feel so much pressure to go beyond that? Why do we separate spiritual and the every day things of raising kids or loving our spouse? Yeah, it's hard, and not every single second of being a mom is fun. But is anything always fun?

Being a mom isn't just having your own children. That's why I told those little girls that they are moms too. I firmly believe that all women are designed to nurture life. Whether biologically or spiritually. But the fact is, God has given me biological children and a family and home to nurture any other children that He brings to my home. And I am so glad. And I'm not going to feel guilty any more for loving it.

When women deny they are mothers - whether they have born children or not - they are denying not only that gift but the Giver of the gift. (-Cocoa)

Article on First Time Obedience

Loved this article so much that I wanted to repost it here. Want to just study and pray over it with my Norah! Our pastor talked on Sunday about expecting first-time, cheerful obedience from our children, and it really challenged me. Seeing this article this week, makes me think its something I'm supposed to be focusing on!
First-Time Obedience - First Things First 
by Maureen Monfore of Childwise Chat.
First-time obedience (FTO) is a phrase you commonly hear in Babywise parenting circles. But what exactly does it mean? It’s really quite simple to understand. First-time obedience means your child obeys your instruction the first time, no questions asked.

First-time obedience is important for many reasons including:

• It sets clear expectations for the child.
• If you teach obedience, you don't have to teach anything else.
• It helps you decide when a correction is necessary; disobedience is
  disobedience.
• It teaches your child to obey your word and not rely on bribes or rewards for
  motivation.
• It teaches your child to submit to your authority and adopt an attitude of
  submission when obedience is required.
• When your life is not fraught with disobedience, your days are happier and
  your relationship with your child grows stronger.
• If you teach moral values (through obedience) when he's little, you give
  yourselves many years of a trusting, loving relationship.

What does first-time obedience look like?

First-time obedience is a fairly simple to identify. Here’s what it looks like:

• Your child responds to the call of his name with “yes, mommy”.
• Your child gives you eye contact when you call his name.

What does first-time obedience NOT look like?

Would your child be characterized by first-time obedience? Be honest with yourself. Do any of the following go on in your home?

• Your child ignores you when you call his name. Or worse, he runs away
  when you call.
• You repeat your instruction 50 times before he complies. (This is 50th-time
  obedience!)
• Your child counts on your inconsistency and will keep pushing the envelope
  to find out how serious you are.
• Your child whines or talks back when you give an instruction. If it worked
  once before, it might just work again.
• You offer threat after threat to get your child to comply.
• You count to three in a threatening tone when your child doesn’t comply.
• You bribe your child with stickers, marbles, pennies, or promises for ice
  cream to get him to obey.
• You guilt your child into complying with your instructions.
• You beg your child to obey.
• You and your child end the day frustrated and stressed out.

Don't worry if you recognize any of these scenarios. I’ve been there and I'm here to help!

First things first: Ezzo fundamentals

By now you’re probably convinced of the value of first-time obedience. It’s so very promising for us as parents and for the moral and ethical health of our children. Now, are you ready to put in the effort to make it a reality?

The first thing you need to do as you attempt to instill first-time obedience in your child is forget the idea altogether. Yes, you heard me right. Set it aside for now. There is a much bigger foundation you must lay before your FTO work can even begin. I realize that it's tempting to jump into first-time obedience training with both feet, but I promise that it will be much more difficult if you don't implement the Ezzo fundamentals first.

Make your marriage a priority

What does your marriage have to do with parenting? Everything. If you have read any of the Ezzos’ books, then you are no stranger to the idea that the marriage must come first. As Ezzo says in On Becoming Childwise, “Great marriages make great parents,” (page 43). Your marriage is the ground upon which your
child stands. Practice couch time to proactively show your child that you value your marriage. Also be sure to maintain your roles as husband and wife, not just mom and dad.

Avoid child-centered parenting

Too often, once a child is brought into the marriage, parents focus extensively on the child. Though it is often done in the name of good parenting, child-centered parenting actually does more harm than good. Instead of integrating the child into the family as a welcome member of the family, they make the child the center of their world. This creates within the child a false sense of self-reliance. The child becomes
wise in his own eyes and attitude issues run rampant.

Schedule your child’s day

When you direct your child’s activities, you drastically reduce the risk that he will be bored and stir up trouble. Create a daily schedule that includes activities like nap time, quiet reading time, independent play time (room time or playpen time), sibling play time, outside time, and more.

Establish your funnel

Envision a funnel or inverted cone. At the bottom, the opening is narrow. This represents the freedoms you allow your child when he is young. As he grows (in maturity and chronologically), you increase those freedoms. Keep your child in that funnel. Don’t allow your two-year-old to roam the house at will or require your 12-year-old to keep his hand on the cart at the grocery store. Make sure freedoms are age-appropriate and award new freedoms based on responsibility, not age.

Say what you mean; mean what you say

Trite as they may be, these eight simple words have great power over your first-time obedience training. The underlying principle of "say what you mean; mean what you say" is that you clearly communicate to your child what you expect of him and follow through on every word you say. Take your time before you speak and be sure that whatever you say are words you can stand by. The Ezzos say, “Never give a command unless you intend for it to be obeyed,” (Growing Kids God’s Way, p. 126.)

Teach your child to ask for permission

If you have a child who roams the house or goes into the backyard at will, you will greatly benefit from this simple technique. Having your child ask for permission stops behavior problems in their tracks! You can even teach a non-verbal child to do the sign for “please” to ask for permission.

Encourage and love your child

There are parents who feel that they desperately need first-time obedience because they spend their days yelling at and barking orders at their children. Frustration is the name of the game. These parents often skip to the discipline section of the book in an attempt to nip behavior problems in the bud. But let me be clear: love and encouragement go a LONG way toward improving your child’s behavior. So be sure to encourage through praise, spontaneous rewards, physical affection, and goal incentives; and speak your
child’s love language to make sure he is receiving your love. Most important, enjoy and have fun with your child!

Be intentional in your parenting

Planning and intent are key to establishing first-time obedience:

• Start as you mean to go on. Don’t start a habit you won’t want to continue.
• Read, read, read!
• Understand why you do what you do. Ignore parenting expertswhose theories don’t make sense to you. (Many of them offer only short-term fixes anyway.)
• Create a discipline plan and decide on consequences ahead of time.
• Work with your spouse to identify the values you wish to instill in your children.
• Identify the behaviors you’d like to see in your children. Set the bar high but also be realistic in your
  expectations!
• Keep your attitude in check. Find a tone that communicates that you want your child to succeed in first-time obedience, but that you hold authority over him if he doesn’t.
• Be sure you understand the difference between childishness and foolishness. Always give your child the benefit of the doubt if you’re unsure.
• Model for your child what you expect from him. Avoid hypocrisy at all costs.
• You are your child’s teacher. Never forget that all discipline takes place to teach a lesson.

Don’t forget attitude External compliance is great but it’s not our ultimate goal. Compliance with a happy, submissive heart is our ultimate goal. If your child complies with your instruction but sulks off after, make him do it over. Discipline for attitude just as much as you would for behavior problems.


Begin first-time obedience training 


Once this all-important foundation has been laid, you can move on to your first-time obedience training. Understand that first-time obedience is a skill your child needs to learn. It will be difficult at first, especially if your child is used to ignoring you, but the payoff will be so rewarding.

Stay tuned for specifics on first-time obedience training. In the meantime, explore the links above to learn more about each layer of your parenting foundation.

Reading Reflections...Toxic Childhood

I'm reading such an interesting book I picked up at the library, Toxic Childhood, by Sue Palmer. 

Some of the "toxins" Palmer suggests that have invaded modern childhood include unhealthy diets, a lack of time to freely play - especially outdoors, poor sleep habits, and family dysfunctions, to name a few. 

I'm only in the third chapter but am loving this read. In the introduction, Palmer says that there are three main principles children need to learn: focused attention, delayed gratification, and the ability to consider others' needs and interests. I found that interesting because the principles of Babywise address all three of these. From infancy, it teaches how to help the baby learn he or she is part of a family unit and that though he or she is cared for and secure, he is NOT the center. He/she must wait till the proper time to have his/her needs met. And his/her needs are met in a timely, loving way. Also the baby is taught from a young age to learn how to play individually, and how to operate within boundaries. Both of these teach focused attention. Additionally, BW philosophy is built around an understanding of the importance of sleep for children. Good sleep habits breed better behavior, better ability to focus and concentrate, and the ability to control oneself. 

The second chapter addresses the lack of free play, especially outdoor play, that children have today. Much of this is because parents are genuinely afraid to let children play unsupervised. It made me remember times when my sister and I could run around and explore in the woods near our house. I know my mom was worried at times, but she somehow managed to provide for us a balance of supervision and freedom. Those times exploring and having adventures outside, using our imaginations, were the highlights of my childhood. 

Parenting is such a balance! We have so many more toxins to weed through in our generation. As I seek to weed through them, I hope I can keep the simplicity and joy of childhood that I had in Norah's life. 

A happy Saturday morning, exploring outside

Godly Discipline

Just got back from my Muizen Mamas weekly moms' group, and, as every Friday, the wheels are turning. Today we had a guest speaker from YWAM, who is a homeschooling/missionary mom of three preteen/teen boys. I haven't met her boys but have heard nothing but amazing things about them.

Today she spoke about godly discipline. As our group is all under 3 year olds, we focused this on how to start early with discipline and training, what methods to use, and our long-term goals for training our children. When I got home I found this post about Externals vs. Internals on my google reader, and thought it also tied in very well...

Here's some of my notes from group:

• Start by setting an environment in your home of consistency. Have fun, enjoy your kids, and make discipline a part of your environment.
• If by 2 years old you have not trained your children to consistently obey, you will struggle in the teenage years
• Discipline doesn't turn your kids against you, it builds respect and love towards you
• From the time your kids are little, make long-term goals of how you want them to be years down the road. Train according to those goals.

      Spanking....

• from 15 mos you can smack the hand for "Don't touch"
• By 2 years old you can be doing proper spanks
• Never use your hand to spank. Have a "tool" - our speaker used a rubber flexible thing her kids call the "whacker." :) 
• Only one, good spank. Respect the child's dignity. Always sandwich the spank with a clear talk and a hug. Never spank in anger.
• Have a routine for spanking - i.e. the child knows to go wait in the room and you will come for the spank. Then its over after you've talked and hugged. Move on and don't keep dwelling on the issue. Restore the relationship quickly.
• Spanking is for direct disobedience and rebellion (stubborn refusal/opposition)
• Spank for issues of character building or recurring disobedience
• Choose other consequences where appropriate and based on your individual child's personality
• Kids do not confuse spanking and hitting (their not being allowed to hit other kids vs. mom and dad punishing them). They know the difference.
• Try not to raise your voice/lose your temper - but always be able to apologize when that happens

• Don't teach child to delay obedience
• teach them to come/obey the first time
• When kids can understand, you can give a warning of what you're going to do, so they have time to mentally prepare for the next activity (i.e. cleaning up, leaving, etc)

Left me lots to think about. Some stuff I've already been trying to implement with Norah, but I definitely want to keep thinking about and being consistent with more of these things. To keep in mind my long-term goals, and what I need to teach her now to prepare her for later. Also to be more consistent with making sure she obeys me  - the first time - especially when I call her to come or tell her simple things like to pick up her toys. These are things I know she understands and is completely capable of doing. 

The blog I shared is also helpful because it reminds me to "follow the clues" to see what is going on behind the behavior, inside the heart, and remember though I can have principles in mind, no two children or situations are exactly alike. 

The Girls

These little girls are making me so happy lately. Our home has been a really joyful place because of these two little beauties. This season of having Atle in our home is so special. She is so sweet and lovely to be with. Norah is getting to such a fun age too. She understands so much, is communicating more, walking - no running - everywhere, and growing in her independence and attention level. I'm just loving God for these girls, for my husband, for the life He's given us, and for the gift He's given me to be part of these lives.

My confidence...Her refuge

I had a sort of an "aha" moment today. I've been reading this book my mom sent me, Spiritual Parenting. The author, Michelle Anthony, shared a story of when they left their 16 year old daughter by herself at their house for the first time. It was a new step of responsibility they were entrusting to her. But the next day, they found out things had gone very wrong, and friends of their daughter's had invited themselves and more friends for a party. You know the rest - things got stolen, police were called, etc.

But instead of reacting by punishing their daughter, Michelle did two things that struck me by surprise. She a) had her daughter write down what the identity of a Christian 16-year old girl should be like. Then, b) she told her to pack her bags so they could go away, just her and her daughter, for a little retreat. Her reasoning was that for her daughter to have behaved like this, she must have forgotten her identity in Christ. For if she hadn't, she would never have allowed this chain of events to happen. 

So she took her daughter away, they spent meaningful time together, got away from everything else, and she helped her to recover what her identity was in Christ. She drew closer to her child when her child made a mistake, just like God does with us. This taught her daughter in years to come to run to God when she sinned instead of try to hide from Him. 

I was amazed by her approach that God obviously led her to take. I thought of even the little things Norah does that are disobedient, and I realized that she learns the most in the context of my pulling her close, guiding her lovingly, teaching and correcting but also holding and affirming her as my child.

I want Norah to learn her identity in Christ. But something I also realized from this book is that I have to be secure in my identity in Christ if I want to pass it on to Norah. Like Proverbs 14:26: "In the fear of the Lord one has strong confidence, and his children will have a refuge." My child will receive this refuge if my confidence is in Christ. She will learn this from me, as I teach her who she is in Christ until she accepts it for herself, but also if she sees it in my own life. 

I often judge parents by the way their kids behave. I judge MYSELF by the way my child behaves. But look at God. He is the Ultimate Father, and His kids - US - mess up all the time. The way we know God is a loving, perfect Father is by the way He reacts when we mess up. Just like Anthony reacted to her daughter proved her to be a wise mother. Just like the father of the prodigal son who poured out love on his son when he returned home from wasting everything he'd given him. 

If my confidence is in Christ (not my ability to make my child behave), and my goal is for my child to learn HER identity in Christ - then I can be a gracious parent like my Father is. Wow, how I want this!

Training a Toddler

Norah has definitely felt the stress of our recent move. Though she seems to be enjoying our new house and lawn, she has struggled with napping during the day, and I am sure it has to do with all the changes. I am looking forward to next week staying home as much as possible and working with her in getting back into a consistent routine. I am thinking about several goals I want to work on with her, and I am excited for spending more focused time playing with her as well. 

As she enters the toddler stage, I am thinking and praying a lot about the need to be consistently training and disciplining her. Tonight as I held her before putting her to bed, I prayed Psalm 23 over her like I usually do at bedtime. So often I have felt God speaking to me through this Psalm as I become more and more familiar with it, reciting it each night. Today the part about, "Your rod and Your staff they comfort me," jumped out. It comforts us to have God's discipline and guidance. Likewise, it comforts Norah to have boundaries, training, consistency. When our lives are inconsistent and busy, like in a move, I see more than ever how important consistency, routine, and training actually are. At the same time, it's part of life and we can comfort and be patient with her to help her through the stresses of moving and adjustments.

As far as overall training, consistency and not giving her the burden of too many freedoms and choices at her age is a way I can comfort her with guidance. Also being proactive, directive, and having high - but not too high - expectations of her. I read the article, The Choice Addiction (for toddlers) at Chronicles of a Babywise Mom, and it really helped me to see the importance of giving Norah boundaries and teaching her to obey. 

How do you teach your toddlers/pre-toddlers to obey? How do you handle moves and transitions with a young child?