Today she spoke about godly discipline. As our group is all under 3 year olds, we focused this on how to start early with discipline and training, what methods to use, and our long-term goals for training our children. When I got home I found this post about Externals vs. Internals on my google reader, and thought it also tied in very well...
Here's some of my notes from group:
- Start by setting an environment in your home of consistency. Have fun, enjoy your kids, and make discipline a part of your environment.
- If by 2 years old you have not trained your children to consistently obey, you will struggle in the teenage years
- Discipline doesn't turn your kids against you, it builds respect and love towards you
- From the time your kids are little, make long-term goals of how you want them to be years down the road. Train according to those goals.
Spanking....
- from 15 mos you can smack the hand for "Don't touch"
- By 2 years old you can be doing proper spanks
- Never use your hand to spank. Have a "tool" - our speaker used a rubber flexible thing her kids call the "whacker." :)
- Only one, good spank. Respect the child's dignity. Always sandwich the spank with a clear talk and a hug. Never spank in anger.
- Have a routine for spanking - i.e. the child knows to go wait in the room and you will come for the spank. Then its over after you've talked and hugged. Move on and don't keep dwelling on the issue. Restore the relationship quickly.
- Spanking is for direct disobedience and rebellion (stubborn refusal/opposition)
- Spank for issues of character building or recurring disobedience
- Choose other consequences where appropriate and based on your individual child's personality
- Kids do not confuse spanking and hitting (their not being allowed to hit other kids vs. mom and dad punishing them). They know the difference.
- Try not to raise your voice/lose your temper - but always be able to apologize when that happens
- Don't teach child to delay obedience
- teach them to come/obey the first time
- When kids can understand, you can give a warning of what you're going to do, so they have time to mentally prepare for the next activity (i.e. cleaning up, leaving, etc)
Left me lots to think about. Some stuff I've already been trying to implement with Norah, but I definitely want to keep thinking about and being consistent with more of these things. To keep in mind my long-term goals, and what I need to teach her now to prepare her for later. Also to be more consistent with making sure she obeys me - the first time - especially when I call her to come or tell her simple things like to pick up her toys. These are things I know she understands and is completely capable of doing.
The blog I shared is also helpful because it reminds me to "follow the clues" to see what is going on behind the behavior, inside the heart, and remember though I can have principles in mind, no two children or situations are exactly alike.
3 comments:
Wow! This was really helpful... but I also feel like I don't do a few of those things... and am not sure how I feel about them. But I took some good stuff away from it too. I miss Muizen Mamas! Love you!
"Discipline doesn't turn your kids against you, it builds respect and love towards you..." I agree with that comment wholeheartedly! It takes commitment and dedication to love your child enough to correct them when they are going in the wrong direction. It is laziness or preoccupation with self that causes a parent not to care about the hard work of building good habits into their children's lives. Children are like sponges, if you don't care, they won't care. Many children will begin to disobey or rebel BECAUSE they know their parents don't really care. A child knows that he/she is loved, because the parent loves them enough to lovingly correct them and guide them in the right way. Let's face it, it is a lot of hard work to mould character, (God is always working on ours!). But, if you don't who will? and think of what you are contributing to society by training your child now, when they are young? ("train up a child in the way he should go....") First and most importantly, by teaching righteous behaviour you are, ultimately preparing a child's heart for a life of obedience to Christ. (The Christian life is all about discipline and obedience!) A rebellious child will develop a hard heart and will be resistant to truth. Because we also want other people to like our kids, it is necessary to train them at home, so that when we take them out, we don't need to feel embarassed or ashamed! There is nothing worse than knowing people don't like your child because you have neglected to discipline and train them to be respectful and obedient! Always remind youself also, that the child comes to you with no knowledge of how to behave, they are completely dependent on you to teach them - if they don't know how to behave, it really is not their fault! How your child behaves has a lot to do with how they have been taught! Luke 6:40 says "A pupil is not above his teacher; but everyone, after he has been fully trained, will be like his teacher!" Do the hard work now, and you will reap later all that you have sown!
Love you my wise and wonderful daughter,
Mom
We used the Babywise principles with all 3 of our little ones, and am sooooo thankful that we did! This past year we went through a series called Growing Kids God's Way that is from the Babywise authors, The Ezzos. The principles you mentioned in your post line right up with that series. It has been such an huge blessing to us, although I need a refresher course. Thank you so much for sharing this encouraging post! Parenting little ones can be down-right exhausting! I need all the encouragement and refocussing I can get! Haha
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