My confidence...Her refuge

I had a sort of an "aha" moment today. I've been reading this book my mom sent me, Spiritual Parenting. The author, Michelle Anthony, shared a story of when they left their 16 year old daughter by herself at their house for the first time. It was a new step of responsibility they were entrusting to her. But the next day, they found out things had gone very wrong, and friends of their daughter's had invited themselves and more friends for a party. You know the rest - things got stolen, police were called, etc.

But instead of reacting by punishing their daughter, Michelle did two things that struck me by surprise. She a) had her daughter write down what the identity of a Christian 16-year old girl should be like. Then, b) she told her to pack her bags so they could go away, just her and her daughter, for a little retreat. Her reasoning was that for her daughter to have behaved like this, she must have forgotten her identity in Christ. For if she hadn't, she would never have allowed this chain of events to happen. 

So she took her daughter away, they spent meaningful time together, got away from everything else, and she helped her to recover what her identity was in Christ. She drew closer to her child when her child made a mistake, just like God does with us. This taught her daughter in years to come to run to God when she sinned instead of try to hide from Him. 

I was amazed by her approach that God obviously led her to take. I thought of even the little things Norah does that are disobedient, and I realized that she learns the most in the context of my pulling her close, guiding her lovingly, teaching and correcting but also holding and affirming her as my child.

I want Norah to learn her identity in Christ. But something I also realized from this book is that I have to be secure in my identity in Christ if I want to pass it on to Norah. Like Proverbs 14:26: "In the fear of the Lord one has strong confidence, and his children will have a refuge." My child will receive this refuge if my confidence is in Christ. She will learn this from me, as I teach her who she is in Christ until she accepts it for herself, but also if she sees it in my own life. 

I often judge parents by the way their kids behave. I judge MYSELF by the way my child behaves. But look at God. He is the Ultimate Father, and His kids - US - mess up all the time. The way we know God is a loving, perfect Father is by the way He reacts when we mess up. Just like Anthony reacted to her daughter proved her to be a wise mother. Just like the father of the prodigal son who poured out love on his son when he returned home from wasting everything he'd given him. 

If my confidence is in Christ (not my ability to make my child behave), and my goal is for my child to learn HER identity in Christ - then I can be a gracious parent like my Father is. Wow, how I want this!