Things Unseen...Ann Voskamp...Being a Mom

Last night, I felt frustrated with myself. My sister so sweetly made dinner for us all, and she and my brother-in-law cleaned up the whole kitchen, but Norah pooped and it sprayed up her whole back so I had to throw her (and Peyton) in the bath right before dinner, and then she was fussy and tired at dinner, so when Andy walked in the door at 6:45 after a full afternoon with the kids in Khayelitsha and sat down to begin work for the busy day he has with ministry today, I started hinting for him to help me with Norah, dinner clean up, etc. The kitchen was covered with food, the babies were fussy, and I was hectic. After I put Norah to bed, I thought how much I wish I could keep up with cleaning, and how I need to be more on top of things with having dinner ready for Andy. If I can't keep up even with my sister's help, how am I going to keep up when it's just me? And I was reminded of my desires to create a peaceful home and to be an efficient homemaker, and how terribly short I was falling. 

I have come to a couple conclusions. One, life has been crazy over the past few months. It's been good and full, but also very busy. As we continue to settle here, I need to be home more so I can be more relaxed, and have more time to keep up with the important things that go into making home. Secondly, I read this this morning, at the beautifully inspiring blog of Ann Voskamp. I breathed a sigh of relief as I read and identified with her feelings. She emphasized the same theme of my blog - looking for the unseen things in daily life. She talks about the season of life as a mom where productivity is almost exclusively in the unseen, in things like rocking your baby, changing her diapers, or feeding her breakfast. I can't describe this near as beautifully as she does, so please read her post and be encouraged as I was. 

I do want to improve in making myself and my home peaceful and prepared. Especially so I can free my husband up for the things he needs to do. I can do practical things like just being at home more, preparing dinner earlier in the day when Norah isn't fussy, and implementing systems for housework. But I also am going to accept God's grace for me today as a mom of an infant, and I'm going to enjoy this season I'm in. The season of not being able to deep clean my house, cook gourmet foods, or have everything together. Because hand in hand with that goes smelling a baby's hair, cuddling at bedtime, and falling into bed exhausted after a sweet, full, crazy day of laughing and playing with and holding my girl. And this season doesn't last forever. 

Home

I love home. I love to be at home. I love to dream about my ideal kitchen color scheme, think about creating a learning environment for my daughter with play stations and a backyard, and plan out how to best display our wedding photos. I love to have people over. Since I was a little girl, I carried around my baby doll every where I went and spent hours in the beautiful playhouse our Dad made for me and my sister. When I wasn't out there I was playing with our dollhouse insides. Before I got married I spent months looking at decorating magazines, talking to my mom about my plan for each room of my house, and reading about what it means to make a home, both spiritually and physically.

I want to teach my daughter at home. I want to adopt. I want to have a home that is comfortable, beautiful, safe, a refuge for my husband, children, and friends. 

Now we are in a foreign country, in a rented flat with furniture and decorations that are not my own, and even though that is just temporary, it causes me to question, what does it mean for me to be a homemaker when I don't even know how long I'll be in a country? 

Even the sparrow has found a home, and the swallow a nest for herself where she can have her young - a place near Your altar, O Lord Almighty, my King and my God. (Ps. 84:3).

I will find a home for myself, a nest where I can have my young - near His altar, His presence.

Blessed are those who dwell in Your house; they are ever praising You. (v. 4).

No matter where our home is here on earth, my family dwells in His house.

Blessed are those whose strength is in You, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage. (v. 5).

Ok, thanks God - I guess that's for me today. Home is so much more than having my dream house. Home is my family, together, having the adventure of living as pilgrims in Your presence. 

They go from strength to strength till each appears before God in Zion. (v.7).

Until we reach our everlasting home, till we appear before Him, He will take us from strength to strength.

In the meantime, I will seek to make whatever earthly home - apartment, house, whatever - as homey and secure as possible for my family. I just need to remember, my true home is being in the presence of God, and keeping my family there. 

I will probably be writing about this a lot more. There's so much to learn and process about how to make our home, practically and in little ways as well as in the big things, while in the away-from-home/not-sure-where-home-is context. And I know it's going to be a continual struggle for me, because like for every woman, home is so dear to my heart. But I'm excited to learn. Because it makes me realize, that as women our role is so much bigger than decorating a nice house. We have to power to give our families that sense of home by our very attitudes and the relationships we foster. We can only do that by staying in His presence!

One last thought: we moved a few times as kids, and my mom always made whatever home we were in feel like home. Even now when I visit, although my parents are in a new house I never lived in, I still feel like I'm at home. The smells, the decorations, the meals - everything has a cozy, at-home sense to it. I want to do that for my family too.

How do you make home for your family?

A Few House Pictures

  

                                                              

                                                                   

My Cup

Some of you know that this past month and a half in South Africa has caused a bit of confusion for me as to what my role is here. I had a lot of expectations for how I personally would be useful here. I guess I envisioned myself with Norah in the sling, going every day to the townships with Andy, tutoring, teaching, and just doing it all. But it's not quite working out that way. :) As reality sets in and we are beginning to experience more what life and ministry will actually look like here, I am realizing that those ideas for me are just not practical. I have spent a lot of time praying, talking, and processing my role. I have had so much encouragement from my mom, my mother-in-law, my sister, and friends who are mothers here about the importance of focusing on my family. I knew all this, but I had to realize it,  and put everything together that they had said and that God was saying to me.
I have finally come to see that even Jesus, the Son of God, who could have saved the entire world in an instant, focused on just what God had given Him to do. He could have healed everyone, and He could have changed every person's heart to cause them to believe, but instead He submitted to God's will - the cross. He could have saved everyone, but He focused on investing in those 12 disciples that God gave Him. And through God speaking to me through my friends and family, I have realized that this (being a wife and mommy) is my cup, and as one friend put it, I can only do "what's in my hands." I heard T.D. Jakes say that submission is when you expected a large crowd and God gives you only a few. I may have envisioned myself as working with hundreds of kids, but God has given me one right now - my baby girl. My mom told me that as I pour myself into Norah, my cup will "spill over." The night she told me that, as I put Norah to bed and recited Psalm 23 to her like I do every night, the line about "my cup runs over" leapt out in my mind. All I can do right now is drink the cup God has given me. And what a wonderful cup it is! And as I do what is in my hands to do, it will spill over to others as well.

I have talked a lot in the past about how I believe my role as a woman is to support my husband, care for my children and our home. But I am tested now to see if I really will act on that in my life. I am convicted of talking about it but not really following through. Or not really believing the importance of it.  Not really trusting that God's way for me is best in accomplishing His work.

Andy's days are quickly becoming very full with ministry work. I want to be free to be the support he needs. I want to see myself as a part of what he is doing. I don't want to be too busy and stressed out to listen to him and encourage him. He has also asked me to help him by having kids to our home to spend time with them. I will also take on more of the blogging, writing our newsletter, monitoring our schedule, and possibly other admin needs that arise. I am going to have a couple girls over today so we can bake together, and I plan to set up a regular baking/sewing day. We also plan to start having kids over more regularly for meals and game nights. I am so excited to be able to serve from our home in this way. We also plan to host (not lead) a small group in our home twice a month, so we can be a part of a Bible study and be growing together as a couple - and not have to get a babysitter! My sister and I are still pursuing starting a monthly group to support a few of the teenage moms from Africa Jam as well. And of course, my days will continue to be full with not only taking care of our home but caring for the sweetest, most energetic and fun 9 month old I know - Norah. I don't want to miss out on a second of her life. I want to be teaching her, giving her all the attention she needs, and just enjoying her. She is only little once.

I feel excited to have a renewed vision. Please pray for me to continue steadfastly in it!

Quick update

Do you like this fabric? I am using it to make a duvet for our bedroom in our new apartment in Cape Town! It is part of an effort to save money, make our new home comfortable and beautiful to us, and to expand my domestic skills. I have recently become quite interested in sewing (though I'm not at all good at it, and my sewing machine isn't working correctly so it is a very drawn out process). I found an easy to follow tutorial to guide me.

Speaking of Cape Town, if you are following our website www.reachingcapetown.com, and viewing the newsletters there, you know that we bought tickets and will be arriving, Lord-willing, June 1. It is hard to believe how close it is. I am so thankful that my dear sister and her family bought their tickets as well and will be arriving just 8 hours before we do. We have found an apartment (hence the duvet) which we have seen pictures of. So I am trying to think of ideas of what we need and how to decorate it inexpensively but in a way to make it home. I know that will greatly help our transition. I believe it is important to make our home a place we feel comfortable and happy! I am excited to make our new house a home in creative ways. I have found a new bloggy friend who has been emailing me some awesome ideas for how to do this. Check out her blog - Shilo is a missionary mom in Paraguay and she has found ways to make her homes overseas beautiful. I love her writings on how God showed her that He gave her her desire to create a beautiful home. After all, He is the ultimate Designer/Decorater/Creator!

I am longing to write more but my little sweetheart takes VERY short naps, and I hear her calling now. So my opportunities are few and far between. I hope to keep updating, even briefly, more frequently though. Please keep checking our family site (mentioned above) for updates about our move and ministry, and check here for my more personal thoughts about my life, faith, emotions, and ponderings on wife- and mommyhood and homemaking.

Here's a recent shot of the little one - 6 months next week!

The Note

So I don't know why it only JUST dawned on me after 2 1/2 years of marriage and 2 1/2 years of doing my husband's laundry...but it did.

For the past 2 1/2 years, laundry has been a point of tension in our home. Andy creates a lot of laundry. And to be fair, he works out almost every day, and works out hard (see what I mean here), and that creates a lot of sweaty clothes. (Sorry, Dear.) And, in the past 5 months we have had an addition to the family who also creates a lot of laundry (can you say SPIT-UP and POOP?) Thank you, Dreft stain remover...
To make matters worse, both Andy and I strongly dislike laundry. He helps me with dishes, the baby, taking out garbage (albeit grudgingly at times, but he does), but laundry is one thing he HATES. And I guess I'm not too fond of it either. Maybe its just that the washer and dryer are in our basement and I am lazy and too cold to go down there. I don't know. But I found I was constantly procrastinating laundry. And several times a week Andy would ask if I'd done laundry, because he was out of white undershirts or clothes for the gym.
The other night, he asked me, and The Note Idea popped into my head (now I believe The Note is an answer to prayer, in all honesty, because I had just been praying about how to work a compromise in our household about housework so both of us would be happy). I worked out this system, that each day of the week I would do a certain load of laundry (whether towels/jeans, colored items such as Andy's gym clothes, etc). I would do that load, no matter what, on that day, and I would not do other types of laundry that day. If it was an emergency for either of us, we would do that extra load ourselves.
I put The Note up on our fridge and diligently set about to follow its orders the next day.

Two days in, I happily announce that The Note has produced order in our laundry-lives. And perhaps it's even helping our marriage a little bit too. No more conflicts over laundry. If either of us is frustrated in that realm, we simply refer to The Note, and all is settled. We can't blame each other, for The Note is the laundry law.

p.s. Andy gave me permission to print this. :-)