Thoughts

It's been awhile, once again. I sometimes have the biggest urge to pour out my feelings here, but I'm still a little freaked out about doing that. In some respects, I'm a very private, introverted person, and it scares me to think that people might actually read about what's actually going on in my head. It would probably freak people out if they DID get to read what's going on in me too!

It's one of those fall mornings...I'm on my third cup of coffee; I'm listening to my favorite songs on Youtube (Brooke Fraser, Desperation Band, Hillsong...), searching the web for inspirational blogs, devotionals, or informational articles, and reading my Bible. Soon I'll get up and do some cleaning. Packing too! I'm visiting my parents and brother this weekend! Andy will be going away on a pastor retreat this weekend, so instead of staying here by myself, I asked my parents if I could come see them for a few days. I'm excited, though apprehensive as well since it's been a long time and I can't stand going anywhere without my husband, even if only for a few days. But I'm also so looking forward to sitting around in their beautiful, comfortable living room, drinking tea, eating bagels, and talking and talking and talking. I miss that the most about my family. Just sitting, talking, laughing and laughing. Since my brother will be there, laughter is SURE to be a part of the equation. That guy can make ANYTHING funny. Can't wait. I'm even more excited for Christmas holidays, though, when we will all be together. My sister and her husband, me and Andy, my brother, and my parents. There will be oh so much laughter, talking, reminiscing, friendly debating about social and global issues, watching videos, eating, etc etc. Can't wait! I have the best families (on both my and Andy's side!!) ever!

I'm reading a couple new books now I'll share with you. The most exciting one is Everything Must Change, by Brian D. McLaren. One of those extremely challenging, worldview-shaking books. I'm only in the first section and already am being shaken. Our church recently did an incredible eight-week series called "Days of Vision." The entire church (all the small groups, individuals, and Sunday services) focused on this theme. We read daily devotionals compiled by our teaching pastor on changing our perspectives to fit a Kingdom perspective. It revolutionized the way I think, and I believe did the same for many in our church, and our church as a whole. Anyway, this book carries on that theme. Challenging the traditional church view that Jesus only came to save our souls for eternity. He did...but more than that, He came to establish His Kingdom on earth as it is in heaven. And we are supposed to be agents of that Kingdom change. If we were doing our job, this perspective claims, society would look very different than it does. Perhaps we wouldn't have millions of orphans, a worldwide AIDS epidemic, huge economic, class, and racial inequalities, etc etc. Of course sin and suffering is going to continue in our world of fallen people. But perhaps society as a whole would look very different if the Church was truly seeking His Kingdom first...
See, we wouldn't just preach the gospel. Or just try to attract people to church when we do try to do "outreach" (more like reach out, grab some people and quickly bring them to church before we get our hands too dirty!) We would, of course, but then we would go be with people. We would spend time with them. We would invest in education, we would help create jobs for the poor, we would get involved in AIDS prevention, we would adopt children, we would help single moms, we would mentor children, etc etc. We would role model strong families, we would support breaking families, we would teach people how to treat each other.
Can I be part of this? I find myself feeling overwhelmed more lately when I look at society, here and overseas. With the elections in the forefront of all our minds, I find myself wondering if either candidate can really do anything to change our nation? I know its bigger than policies...how can a president change human nature? Maybe it'll sound cliche, but Jesus really is the key to change in our world and country. But maybe we - you and I who have Jesus living in us - can do something to help this change come about. To pursue His Kingdom. To love and seek the lost like He does.
Ok, now I'm talking to myself...just got to get rid of the fears, the anxieties, the misconceptions, that get in the way of pouring myself out for His Kingdom. Nothing could be more important. But I can only get there...I can only get rid of hindrances, run the race, seek His Kingdom, by seeking HIM. By saying "OK God I'm Yours, for whatever you want...not the work I think I need to do but just wherever You put me..." and then letting Him do His thing through me.