New. New year...even though I'm two months late really to write much about it. New month. New opportunities...New life. New life is inside me right now, and it's about as old as this year!
So this year, early on New Year's Day, before I went to bed after watching the ball drop on TV with my family, I spent some time with God, talking to Him about this new year. I prayed that this year God would make His hand in all things known to me. That I would see Him behind the events in my life. I guess become more aware of His presence and His engineering of our circumstances. Not just mine, but what is going on around me in the world. To be aware of His work and trust Him. And in that, I prayed that this year my life would count for Him, that I'd become a little more a part of what He is doing.
Since that day, a theme that keeps arising in my heart when I pray and read and spend time with God is that of seeing what God does and then doing that. And only that. Like Jesus. There's a song that says, "Jesus only did what He saw You do, and He would only say what He heard You speak. And He would only move when He felt You lead, following Your heart, following Your Spirit..." I'm supposed to submit to God the way Jesus did. That means I need to be so intertwined with God that I can sense what He is doing, what His Spirit is saying, where He is leading. And that means I will be so much more effective because I can't really accomplish anything for Him without Him!
Anyway, amidst these themes God has been playing to my heart about Him being the Mover and the one who's life in me should guide me...He put another life inside me! I'm two months pregnant with our first little one.
I have experienced such a huge range of emotions about this baby. From disbelief to excitement to fear to peace to amazement to longing...Truly, God is answering my new year's prayer. He is showing me, up close, His hand, His work!
So the baby. I'm nauseous, exhausted, lacking energy, having weird food cravings, and starting to look a little bigger (I think!) But past all that, I guess I'm really excited and overwhelmed at the same time. I'm not afraid to say I really think it's a boy. Before I found out I was pregnant, but just suspecting I was, I had a dream I was holding a little boy. And for a long time now, since before we got married, I just have had this sense that God is going to give us a son (or sons). We actually have more girls' names picked than boys', and of course we both love little girls, so it really won't matter to us either way. But I just have this feeling. Sometimes I call the baby "he" because I just feel so strongly about it.
I love boys. I love the depth they have to them. I love the potential they possess. And I feel really strongly that boys have been dealt a bad hand by society and are not living up to that potential. I love how sweet and strong boys are. And I just love how stinking cute little boys are!
But, I love little girls too. Little girls like my sister and I... Girls that like to cook, play with beads, color, play with dolls, I love love love them. So really, it doesn't matter one little bit to me what this baby is!
All I know is, I want, very much, for this child to grow up in the presence of God. I want this child to grow up passionate about God. About Jesus. About worship, about missions, about prayer, about compassion, and real genuine faith. I want to raise this child in that. I want him/her to be immersed in God. And that means letting him/her go to whatever He has for him/her. And that means exposing him/her to the real pains of this world so he or she grows up seeing injustice and becoming passionate for justice. Seeing poverty and becoming passionate for changing it. Seeing the sin of this world and becoming passionate for God's kingdom to expand. I want this child to be one of those that the Bible says will see visions and dream dreams.
I don't know how to accomplish that. I guess that's again why, God's telling me, I can't and only His life in me and Andy as parents and His life in this little new life can really make this new life all He's purposed for it to be.
6 comments:
Iam so happy for you and Andy and hope you will continue to blog throughout your pregnancy (maybe a pic or 2) even though I know you are very very busy. You are so insightfull. I have no doubt that you and Andy will be amazing parents and can't wait to hear about your first family mission trip to Russia (cause I know how much you love traveling and doing mission work there) in the years to come. You have a wonderful oppertunity to share your's and Andy's love of the Lord with a child and the fact that you want to expose this new precious life to everything God has to offer just proves that you both will be fabulous parents. And what's really cool, is you and clarie will have children only a couple months apart! Knowing how close the two of you are, I can only hope that the babies will be as well.
Now, should I buy a mini clevland indians hat for the baby among other things?????
Will keep you, andy, and the little one in my prayers.
Love,
Jess Stier
Hey there Leigh, You are going to be an awesome mother - no matter whether it is a boy or a girl. God has something special ready for you and Andy. I pray your pregnancy goes smoothly, with no fears or worries, and that it will be an enjoyable time for you as you anticipate the birth. Love you lots!
We are so excited for you all. Kids are such an incredible blessing and the Lord teaches you so much through them. Miss you guys.
Aw Leigh, I'm so happy for you! It was beautiful to be able to read this. I'm so happy that we're going through this journey together! I can't wait to meet my little nephew or niece! I want to see a picture of your belly! I think we Vander Kraats girls show early on! Hey, just for something fun (though it sort of turns out weird...) go to www.makemebabies.com to see what your kid will look like. It's pretty hilarious but fun to do :)
I love you!
I love reading your blogs because it's just as if we were sitting in our living room with a cup of coffee visiting. You have many special gifts Leigh and I know your baby, my grand baby will be blessed to share many of them as well. Compassion jumps out at me, and unconditional love, and the list goes on & on.
Those are true gifts from the Giver of Life.
As all mothers do from time to time, we(I)try hard to 'control' what we can not. I know God understands that, and yet waits patiently for us to allow Him to do, what He has planned all along! You & Andy will be such good parents and your baby will be so loved and protected. Ron & I love you so much and are so blessed to have you as our daughter-in-law!
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